“Do not refuse” is an invitation to fully welcome the experience of the present moment, without resistance or rejection. This concept, often associated with mindfulness practices, the philosophy of non-duality or spiritual approaches, can profoundly transform our relationship with ourselves and with life. Here is a detailed explanation of this principle:
What does “do not refuse” mean?
“Not refusing” means accepting whatever presents itself, whether thoughts, emotions, sensations or external events.
This does not mean that we have to like or approve of everything, but that we stop fighting against what is already there.
It is a state of total openness, where one does not seek to escape, control or modify the experience of the moment.
Example: If a difficult emotion, such as sadness, arises, “not refusing” means accepting it fully, without trying to repress or avoid it. You recognize, “This sadness is there, and it’s OK.”
Why do we often refuse what is?
Refusing or resisting is a natural reaction of the mind to what it perceives as uncomfortable or undesirable. Reasons include:
- Social conditioning: We learn to reject “negative” emotions (like anger or fear) and to seek only the “positive”.
- Fear of suffering: Resisting gives an illusion of control in the face of what seems threatening.
- Dualistic judgment: We label certain experiences as “good” or “bad,” and resist those we perceive as “bad.”
The consequences of refusing what is
Refusing a situation or experience leads to:
- Tension and suffering: Resistance creates inner conflict, as we struggle against reality.
- Amplification of what is rejected: What we reject often tends to persist or intensify (for example, refusing a fear can make it more overwhelming).
- Loss of connection with the present: By refusing the current experience, we cut ourselves off from the present moment.
The benefits of “not refusing”
Inner peace: Acceptance dissolves tension and struggle.
Emotional clarity: By welcoming our emotions, they flow more freely instead of stagnating or becoming stuck.
Increased presence: By stopping fleeing, we reconnect with the present moment, in all its richness.
Natural transformation: When we fully accept an experience, it often loses its hold on us and evolves naturally.
“Do not refuse” and non-duality
From the non-dual perspective, “not refusing” is a recognition that:
- Everything that presents itself in the moment is part of the unity of reality. There is nothing “separate” to reject.
- To refuse is to nourish the illusion of separation: a “me” fighting against an “other” (an emotion, a situation, a thought).
- By not refusing, we place ourselves in an attitude of welcome and recognition that everything is already complete and perfect as it is.
Example: If physical pain occurs, instead of saying “I don’t want this pain”, we welcome it as an integral part of the current experience, without considering it as “me” or “other”.
“Do not refuse” does not mean passivity
Please note: accepting what is does not mean giving up on acting or changing a situation.
Acceptance allows us to see reality clearly, without an emotional or mental filter, which paves the way for more just and aligned action.
You can accept an unpleasant situation while taking steps to improve it, but without internal resistance.
Example: If you are stuck in a traffic jam, not refusing means accepting the reality of the traffic jam (this is it, no need to struggle mentally). Then you can choose a practical solution, like listening to a podcast or taking a different route, but from a place of acceptance.
How to practice “not refusing”?
Observe without judging: Become aware of your resistance. Notice when you say internally “I don’t want that” or “that shouldn’t be.”
Welcoming the sensations: Bring your attention to the body. Feel the emotions or physical sensations associated with what you reject, without trying to change them.
Letting go of mental stories: Often, refusal comes from stories that the mind creates around the situation. Try to just go back to the raw experience.
Practice gratitude: Even when faced with difficulty, look for what it can teach you or how it can transform you.
A metaphor to understand
Imagine a rock in a river:
- If the river tries to “refuse” the rock (by fighting it or trying to avoid it), it creates turbulence.
- If the river fully accepts the rock, it naturally bypasses it and continues on its way, without effort.
In the same way, “not refusing” is about letting life flow, allowing each experience to be what it is, while remaining fluid and open.
In summary
“Do not refuse” is a posture of openness and total acceptance towards everything that manifests itself in the present moment. This implies:
- To stop the internal struggle.
- To recognize that everything is part of life, and that nothing should be rejected.
- To find peace not by changing reality, but by fully accepting what is.
This practice not only transforms our relationship with suffering, but it also opens us to a life that is richer, more serene and more aligned with reality as it is.